Last night I learned something very important in my life. That you can not ever hate yourself as long as you are loved. You can be disappointed or feel sorry for yourself, but you can't hate your soul. You can't hate your body, you just can sulk. And that's a very different thing.
Many years ago when I started reading philosophy books I realized that, for me, world would be such a hard place if I want to live it in the deep philosophical manner. Those days in my stripling were so hard because I was choosing. I was deciding which lifestyle is mine. I was sixteen or seventeen that finally those feelings, those thoughts fade away. And I was happy for my decision; the happy life. The simply happy life.
There were times in all these years that harsh thoughts came back. The last few weeks was one of those. I started to have bad feelings about me. About my appearance. And about the twenty five years I've lived. I felt that it wasn't enough. That I hadn't lived my life plenty. I started to gain weight. And everything looked unnecessarily unworthy...
I am saying these because this is my place; my journal to keep track of my feelings. To keep remember that I am prosperous. That life is just a beginning. And that I need to spend it the way I want. Nothing else is real. For me, reality of life is defined in smiles and happiness. It's defined in being in love. And seeing the beauty. I know that it sometimes seems hard to ignore other ways. But it's been possible for me to be like this. Simply happy.
Today I am fine. I told you, you just can't keep feeling bad when you're loved. And that's all that matters.
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