Thursday, October 22, 2009

Who I Am and What My Dreams Are



{an old darling photo of Dario and me}



I am not sure why I am writing this post. I am not inspired, nor do I have anything inspiring to share.

I am just not pleased of myself. I am not doing what I should do, what I am supposed to do. I am sitting and thinking and nagging me and trying to figure out "who I am" and "what are my dreams".  I am wandering around blogs and observing... those who are talented. those who are doing great stuff with pleasure. people who are growing. I check back their achieves and observe their growth.

Sometimes I am not really sure about this blogging thing. Sometimes I am not confident enough... Sometimes I think too much about other people. Sometimes I am too envious.

I have a very bad headache. I miss Farshad so much. I miss my sister. I miss Dario. I miss a world.


Sorry...
Good Night.

31 comments:

Karin said...

I just recently found your blog, so I don't know your circumstances. I don't know why you are not with the people you are missing and why you feel sad. I do know I added your blog to my reader, because I like it. A lot. So even if I, as a total stranger to you, have not much comforting to say about your heart aches, I can tell you you don't have to be insecure about your blog. People like it. I like it. It doesn't have to have all the answers. It doesn't have to be already what it may become in the future. That we will see when it get's there. When you get there. Until then, it's good as it is now.

I hope you will be able to get some sleep and feel better in the morning. I wish you well... x

Jeanne-ming said...

Dear Shokoofeh,
The progress you have made just since I have been watching you is enormous. You just can't see it. Your observations about your world, your photography, writing, all of it is growing.

You are still growing and at the age of 53 I am still not sure what I want to do when I grow up. I still test, play, wonder and dream. I only know what I DON'T want to do. (Accounting)


I can imagine, however that to miss those you love is not easily fixed and the proper thing to do is go to bed. It is also a perfect solution to blog to us, your followers and friends when you have doubts and just feel poorly.

But, let me tell you this. Any time I sit at my lap top, I quickly check if you have made a new post and when I see it, I RUSH TO IT. I cannot WAIT because it is always delightful. (Even when you are down)

I adore you dear Shokoofeh!

Selma said...

I love your blog girl, even though you don't feel inspired today...it doesn't mean anything. You are an inspiring person with a lot to give, whether or not you are aware of that. Your blog is daily happiness to me (sounds corny but is true). So keep going, and the good "spirit" will come back to you. :D

Emmy said...

I have found the more I try and shape my blog to be something others will like/find interesting.. the more I don't like it and the less I want to blog.
When I am able to just let go and say, this is me like it or not, (which isn't always easy to do) then I enjoy my blog and others seem to also.
Excited to go and see more of your blog.

Rhianne said...

oh Shookoofeh, I have felt like this all week - I think we all feel too envious and insecure.

I wish that I knew exactly what to write to make you feel better but for now know that I love your blog, it is as wonderful as you and you are incredibly talented. I am so glad that we found each other in this blogosphere.

p.s. I miss my sister too and my parents x

Michelle said...

I have those thoughts a lot. Sometimes the blogworld is deceiving because it can make you feel inadequate or complacent. Sometimes it can really inspire and get things moving. I haven't found that middle ground, so just know there are others who feel the same. Feel better.

xoxo--M

Micaela said...

"Sometimes I am not confident enough... Sometimes I think too much about other people. Sometimes I am too envious."

-You said this perfectly.

hugs hugs hugs.

xoxoxo

buhdoop said...

I just found your blog and I love it. It is inspiring and happy and so lovely.

Sarah said...

I am sorry you're feeling uninspired and missing your loved ones my dear. And I'm especially worried about you not being pleased with yourself.

Darling you are incredibly inspiring. Lately I've been keeping up with you via your pictures on Flickr (because I have so many problems getting into blogspot blogs right now) but I really need you to know how much I adore you and your ability to make smiles. The words you write in your blog and the photographs you make for all of us are the epitome of inspiration for me. I can't even begin to express to you how much you have positively influenced my days.

I can relate to what you wrote about blogging. Those are the exact feelings I had before I ended mine. I don't want that to happen to A New Simple Something. You're a positive, talented, intelligent person that always, always, always inspires.

Shokoofeh = Inspiration

xoxo

Shaddy said...

Please believe that we all have our moments of self-doubt. By reading someone's blog, you may assume their lives are always exciting, that they have a marvelous sense that they're doing what they should do and that they are full of confidence.

We're all struggling. We all feel as you do time and time again. I'm not trying to say you shouldn't feel like you do. It's alright and part of the cycles of life.

I find the fact that you felt confident enough to express your negative feelings is admirable. It's only by being honest that we can pull ourselves up from the slumps we get tangled up in.

Know that you are doing what you should be doing. See all the people who gather around you to help you get up and go on again. Give yourself time. Know the way you're feeling is unpleasant but you'll rise up again. Everything will be sunny again for you, I believe that with all my heart.

janis said...

hey lady-
i quite like your blog! i hope you feel better.

xo

Line said...

I think you have a talent in photography and should be pround!!!

take care x x

Ali said...

You are not alone in your feelings. I get this way more often than I'd like (for whatever it's worth!).

Katrine Ny said...

I wanted to write exactly the same as Karin did. I just recently made my way to your blog (thanks to all your sweet comments on mine) and the other day I put it on my blogroll because I like it so much. Your photos and words are all so inspiring. Please, do remember that when you doubt about yourself. We are a lot of people who like your blog. So keep it going please.

Daisy said...

I hope you feel a little better soon. Your blog is one of the most interesting and inspiring I read and you do not need to feel envy or not be confident ! Remember , this is your blog... its about you and you have many readers who adore you for that!

Ju said...

See all the comments above and rest assure that you are a talented person, not only a talented blogger. Blogging is the consequence of you being creative. We all love stopping by and seeing how you compile photos,thoughts, etc. It is a pleasure to be your friend in the virtual world and I can imagine your real life friends can say the same. :)

emily said...

i so look forward to your blog!! i think you're very creative and a very talented photographer.
chin up! i think you are great!

The White Way of Delight said...

Cute blog! :)

poet said...

My dear Shokoofeh, I have admired your blog from the moment I found it. I think you are doing a great job with it, and you *are* talented! But I know this feeling of un-inspired-ness all too well, this nagging feeling that everyone else is doing something with their talents while I'm not even sure of mine... I've been going through a similar thing for the past month at least, and I don't see it ending yet. The quarter-life-crisis, maybe? Anyway, don't let this pull you down. You are amazing and inspiring, even if you don't feel inspired right now!

Greetings,
poet

Amanda Nicole said...

We all get these feelings from time to time. Every few years or so I feel lost within myself and no creative outlets will suffice or make me feel whole. But usually this feeling is followed by an exciting change or new idea, and so I'm always ready for the challenge :)

Meghan said...

We all have days like this! I do...you are not alone! You are talented. I hate missing those people who are important in your life.
big hugs
xooxo
meg

What Possessed Me said...

sweet girl, I'm so sorry you're feeling blue. It's nearly impossible to feel inspired all the time - and perfectly natural to feel blocked, stalled, or flat...you must be gentle with yourself and know that this is only temporary. You have so much talent - as a blogger, a photographer and designer, and you bring us all tremendous joy.

xox,
P.

MODsquad said...

Please know that I find your blog SO, so inspiring! Amazing photos and beautiful finds!

Love this photo!

Hope you have a Happy Weekend!

Amanda said...

I love your blog! It inspires me when I'm feeling uninspirational. Feel better!

trinsch said...

oh, sweet girl, you're not alone. we all have days of doubts. i have plenty of days where i cannot get going, where i don't seem to fulfill my dreams, or even follow them.

you are so talented and have a big heart, you inspire people, maybe more than you know. i wish you a breeze of sweet happiness to clear your mind.

Annabelle said...

Oh no Shookefeh, I'm so sad you're feeling like this... we all get our times down like this. I was only feeling exactly the same a few days ago: "Who am I? What am I going to do with my life? Envious of others.."

But it passes and you know what - you're SO special, SO talented and ur here for a reason. I love your blog, always entertaining, fun to read, interesting, insightful. You're talented.

Sholeh said...

My dearest dear sister,
It is so overwhelming to see how many people love you and your blog and want you to be there, in their lives.like me! maybe more than all, i wish you "were here" and when you are not, feel close to you reading your beautiful words and watching your photos. they are all so fantastic.
please be there for me and for all the others to whom you are so special.

please smile, always love your smile.

yours Sholeh

marigirl said...

blah. I know exactly what you mean. I went and saw that movie Julie/Julia and loved it, but later I was feeling down and realized that's everyone's dream, right? To get a bunch of calls about turning your blog into a book? Odds aren't good for it happening to everyone. Oh well, I guess we keep doing it because we please ourselves...and blog friends! Your blog definitely pleases me! :)

Melissa A. said...

I was going through some of my old posts and clicking on old comments and came across your blog here. I remember that I could not open up your blog before, but I'm glad that I got to now. I know just how you feel about blogging that is. I would say I have the same words. But then I step back and remind myself not to compare myself with others. God made each of us unique and which should embrace our uniqueness. Hope your days are going better.

julochka said...

i know i'm really behind (deadlines at work cutting in on my blog time), but i wanted to say that this really resonated with me. i think we all wonder this at different times, even if we present another face or give another impression at times on our blogs.

i know i've definitely been feeling that i'm not doing what i should be doing and trying to figure out which of my many dreams i should be following. and feeling that i might not be brave enough to take the leap and follow them.

we all have moments like that, you're not alone and i am absolutely certain that you are growing and that you are who you should be. and you have this whole bloggy support system to help you through it! i know that i rely on that!

xox,
/j

Bonbon Oiseau said...

OH Shookefeh, I wish I had seen this sooner. We all feel like this sometimes..it is the course of the flowing life of creative people but what comes next is always incredible, please trust me. Sometimes you have to let yourself feel these things and let those feelings wash over you until you slowly stand up. When you see many other creative people doing things, know that they all feel this way sometimes. I love your honesty though and the way you put it all out there--that is very inspiring!!!

I could fill a book on this subject--i am glad you are feeling better from what i read above...
oxoxo, deb